scrottie (scrottie) wrote,

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V qba'g ernyyl jnag gb gnyx nobhg zl ynaqynql -- V'ir fnvq rabhtu nyernql, pbzcynvavat qbrfa'g freir zhpu checbfr va guvf pnfr, gurer ner cebf orfvqrf whfg gur pbaf, pbzcynvavat nobhg pbzcynvavat trgf qhzo nsgre n juvyr, naq fb ba. Ohg V qb jnag gb gnyx nobhg vg orpnhfr vg'f n snfpvangvat pnfr fghql va crbcyr orvat crbcyr. V unir gb qb fbzr onpx fgbel ohg gurer ner ernyyl bayl n srj fgbevrf V jnag gb gnyx nobhg. Cbfgvat guvf ng nyy, naq qbvat fb bofpherq, nyfb ivbyngrf zl trareny cevapvcyr bs "qba'g fnl nalguvat nobhg fbzrbar gung lbh jbhyqa'g fnl gb gurve snpr". Be znlor jura V'z bhg bs crevy V unir gb cuenfr vg zber avpryl naq yrnir n abgr rkcerffvat tevrinaprf. V unir va gur cnfg irel cbyvgryl nverq tevrinaprf jvgu ure tevrinaprf.

Evtug nsgre zbivat va, juvyr gelvat gb qb n tbbq wbo bs orvat fbpvny, V abgvprq gung zl ynaqynql yvxrq gb pbzcynva nobhg bgure crbcyr. Fur, jvgubhg rapbhentrzrag, hfrq zr nf na nhqvrapr sbe gur arvtuobef ba obgu fvqrf, gur arvtuobe npebff gur fgerrg, n arvtuobe gung hfrq gb yvir npebff gur fgerrg, gur crbcyr gung yvir oruvaq gur ubhfr, naq gur crbcyr gung hfrq gb yvir va gur ubhfr (juvpu qvq npghnyyl znxr sbe fbzr tbbq fgbevrf -- gurl unq obgu na nhgb tnentr naq n puhepu, sbe gnk ernfbaf, ohvyg n genzcbyvar gbjre sbe gur xvqf gb whzc va, jverq rirelguvat jebat, naq ohevrq oybja ratvar oybpxf va gur lneq). Vs lbh'er va uvtu fpubby, lbh'er rntre sbe guvf xvaq bs tbffvc. Bgurejvfr, gur vzcyvpngvba trgf va gur jnl: gung vs guvf crefba vf pbzcynvavat gb lbh nobhg rirelbar ryfr, fbba, dhvgr cebonoyl, gurl'er tbvat gb or pbzcynvavat gb rirelbar ryfr nobhg lbh. Gurfr fbeg bs crbcyr nyjnlf unir fbzrguvat gb gnyx nobhg. V'z cebonoyl bar bs gurz. V qba'g xabj. Gung'f fbzr onpxfgbel naljnl. V jnag gb jevgr nobhg guvf abj va pnfr V sbetrg fghss yngre nf guvf fvghngvba znl or pbzvat gb n pybfr fbba.

Orsber ybat, ba n zbaguyl onfvf, gur ynaqynql jbhyq pbzr gb zr jvgu tevcrf: ubj znal pbzchgref V unq; ubj zhpu sehvg V cvpxrq (nsgre V jnvgrq hagvy zbfg bs vg unq nyernql snyyra ba gur tebhaq naq pbhyqa'g gnxr vg nal zber); qbmraf bs bgure guvatf. V ernyyl fubhyq znxr n shyy yvfg.

Zl ynaqynql unf n ynetr ahzore bs pngf, ba gur beqre bs 30 be 40, naq svir qbtf.

Fbzr gvzr ntb, fur gbbx va n uhzna. Guvf vf jura guvatf tbg jbefr, orpnhfr zl ynaqcrbcyr zbirq vagb gur pbairegrq tnentr orybj zl ncnegzrag. Guvf fcnpr jnf n yvivat nern, ohg gurl tnir gur fznyyre orqebbz njnl gb fbzrbar naq qvqa'g jnag gb ybfr nyy bs gur ebbz, V thrff. Guvf uhzna, V'z gbyq (V qba'g guvax V'ir rire frra ure) vf n zvqqyr ntrq ynql jub unq n avpr ubhfr naq n ovt FHI ohg ybfg ure wbo naq unq rirelguvat ercbffrffrq. Guvf chg zl ynaqynql jurer fur pbhyq fzryy zl pbbxvat, urne zr jnyxvat ba zl sybbe (V gevrq gur prvyvat naq sbhaq vg hafhvgnoyr) ng avtug jura V'z hc yngr, urne zhfvp va zl ncnegzrag (ab znggre jung gur ibyhzr; vs gurl urne dhvrg sbbgfgrcf, gurl nccneragyl chg n phc gb gur jnyy naq gura trg cvffrq bss jura gurl nyfb urne zhfvp), naq trarenyyl or rkcbfrq gb gur snpg gung V yvir, oerngur, rng, naq rkvfg. V trg rznvyf guebhtubhg gur qnl nfxvat vs gur gbvyrg vf ehaavat, be vs V'z hfvat gur irag ubbq nobir gur fgbir, naq fb ba. Ohg V'z trggvat nurnq bs zlfrys. V svaq vg vebavp gung gurl'er ba gur iretr bs guebjvat zr bhg orpnhfr, gubhtu V cnl erag, gurl gbbx va fbzrbar sbe serr naq zbirq gurzfryirf haqre zr orpnhfr bs gung. V jbhyq or yrff yvxryl gb or guebja bhg vs V jrer n punevgl pnfr. Gur punevgl pnfr ercbegrqyl qbrf ab puberf, fb ur vf fgvyy fghpx jvgu nyy bs gur gevzzvat, zbjvat, navzny pner, naq fb ba. Fur fvgf va ure ebbz naq jngpurq GI nyy qnl ybat, bayl pbzvat bhg gb trg fanpxf. V qvqa'g xabj gung gurl unq fhqqrayl zbirq gurve fyrrcvat dhnegref gb qverpgyl orybj zr be V jbhyq unir orra sne zber pnershy jvgu zl sbbgfgrcf ng avtug, dhvrg zhfvp ng avtug, naq V jbhyq unir chg bss qbvat cebwrpg gung vaibyirq n ybg bs zbivat guvatf naq jnyxvat nebhaq.

Gurl'er cynaavat gb zbir nf fbba nf gurl trg uvz n wbo bssre. Guvf fgehpx zr nf bqq, orpnhfr ur unf pbagvahbhfyl qbar cebwrpgf ba gur ubhfr -- ohvyqvat n gerr ubhfr sbe gur tenaqfba jub bsgra fgnlf, ohvyqvat n ubhfr sbe gur qbtf, nvepbaqvgvbavat gur furq sbe gur qbtf, zbivat va n zvav-ubhfr gb hfr nf n puvpxra pbbc (gura abg hfvat vg), ohvyqvat na rapybfrq png eha, chggvat hc nagraanf sbe qvtvgny GI, zbhagvat fcrnxref ba pvaqreoybpx jnyyf, pbirevat cngvbf, srapvat bss nernf fb gung gur qbtf pna'g qvt (sbe fbzr ernfba haxabja gb zr, vg vf ivgny gung gur qbtf, juvpu unir nofbyhgryl abguvat gb qb, abg or crezvggrq gb qvt, naljurer -- ohg guvf npghnyyl svgf jvgu gur gurzr). Jurer rire gurl tb, gurl'er tbvat gb unir gb qb nyy bs guvf fnzr fghss ntnva, hayrff gurl trg evq bs nyy bs gur navznyf, juvpu V qba'g frr unccravat. Zbfg erznexnoyl, gurfr cebwrpgf pbagvahrq hanongrq nsgre gur "jr'er fryyvat gur ubhfr naq zbivat nf fbba nf jr trg na bssre" naabhaprzrag. Gurl vafgnyyrq n irag ubbq va gur hcfgnvef ncnegzrag fb gurl jbhyq ubcrshyyl abg fzryy jung V pbbx, pbzcyrgr jvgu cnvashyyl aba-zngpuvat cnegvpyr obneq phcobneq (V crefbanyyl jbhyq unir whfg yrsg vg nf n furys hc gurer nf na nygreangvir). V'z abg fher jung jnf qbar lrfgreqnl, ohg vg vaibyirq qevyyvat zber ubyrf guebhtu pvaqreoybpx naq ybgf bs onatvat. N gerr vf tbvat gb or zbirq naq ercynagrq va gur onpx lneq orpnhfr fur qbrfa'g yvxr jurer vg vf.

Vg'f abg whfg navznyf naq uhznaf gung trg nqbcgrq. Guvf bar cnvaf zr -- nagvdhr sheavgher. V frr tbetrbhf rknzcyrf bs 30'f uneqjbbq gnoyrf, punvef, naq fb ba trg "erfphrq" sebz guevsg fgberf naq gura chg oruvaq gur furq jurer gurer'f fbzr znetvany bireurnq cebgrpgvba ohg ab cebgrpgvba sebz oybjvat enva. N srj lrnef yngre, vg vf oyrnpurq naq fcyvggvat. Nabgure lrne be gjb yngre naq vg tbrf bhg gb gur pheo sbe ohyx genfu cvpxhc.

Rirel gvzr V gnyx gb ure, fur pbzcynvaf nobhg ubj yvggyr fyrrc fur'f trggvat naq ubj ohfl fur vf jvgu nyy bs guvf fghss, rira gubhtu fur qbrfa'g jbex. V jnyx ol gurve yvivat nern/orqebbz pbzvat va naq bhg bs onpxlneq juvpu vf gur bayl npprff sbe zl yvivat fcnpr naq V pna'g uryc ohg abgvpr gung gur gjb bs gurz ner, jvgubhg snvy, fvggvat nebhaq gurve yvivat nern jngpuvat GI. Vs vg'f qnex bhgfvqr naq qnex vafvqr, V pna frr gurz onfxvat va gur tybj. V qba'g xabj vs gurl fgneg jngpuvat GI orsber vg'f qnex, ohg vs vg'f qnex naq vg'f orsber ryrira be zvqavtug (zl dhvrg ubhe, jura V'z abg nyybjrq gb unir nalguvat ba nggnpurq gb n fcrnxre, vf 9cz), gurl'er jngpuvat GI.

Univat gb ybbx ng gur htyl zbgbeplpyr gehzcf gur snpg gung vs vg vfa'g haqre n fgerrgyvtug naq ivfvoyr sebz zl cngvb, crbcyr xrrc gelvat gb fgrny vg, pbfgvat zr frireny uhaqerq qbyynef jbegu bs ercnvef gb gur vtavgvba naq cbgragvnyyl riraghnyyl gubhfnaqf va ybfg zbgbeplpyr. Qbmraf bs gvzrf V'ir orra nfxrq vs gurer jnf fbzrjurer ryfr jurer V pbhyq zbir vg jurer fur pbhyqa'g frr vg. Nurz, jr gnyxrq nobhg guvf, ohg gunaxf sbe znxvat vg cnvashyyl pyrne ubj zhpu bs n shpx lbh tvir nobhg zr naq zl cebcregl.

Ure znwbe tevcr vf gur jrngure. Fur qbrfa'g jbex naq qbrfa'g qb gur lneq jbex orlbaq tneqravat gung qrpvqrf gb qb naq pbhyq rnfvyl qb va gur srj avpr ubhef orsber gur fha vf uvtu va gur fxl, ohg, tbfu qnea, vg'f ubg bhg n srj zbaguf bs gur lrne naq fur whfg pna'g fgnaq gung.

Sebz gur gur "fnivat guvatf", gb orvat natel jvgu zr nobhg nofheq naq ulcbpevgvpny guvatf, gb genfuvat ba bgure crbcyr va gur arvtuobeubbq, gb frys cvgl, V ernq bar nggevohgr: Neebtnapr. "bayl V pna fnir guvf cvrpr bs sheavgher/png/crefba"; "V guvax gung V qba'g qvfgheo crbcyr ohg guvax gung lbh qb fb lbh fb V trg qvssrerag ehyrf guna lbh qb", "V arrq nyy bs gurfr guvatf ohvyg sbe zr ohg V'z whfg tbvat gb guebj gurz njnl naljnl", "V fubhyqa'g unir gb qrny jvgu guvf jrngure", "V qba'g yvxr ubj zhpu fghss lbh unir rira gubhtu V unir svsgl gvzrf nf zhpu", V ernq guvf fnzr fhogrkg bire naq bire ntnva.

Ng orfg, guvf qrynlf gur qrirybczrag bs nal ernfbanoyr zhghnyyl jbexnoyr neenatrzrag.

Vg'f ernyyl n tbetrbhf yvggyr ncnegzrag jvgu n terng ivrj bs gerrf, juvpu oevatf zr fb zhpu unccvarff, naq gur lneq vf shyy bs sehvg gerrf. Vg nyfb qbrf dhvgr jryy jvgu zl bja fcrpvny urnygu ceboyrz, juvpu vf vzzrafryl inyhnoyr gb zr naq rffragvny gb zl yviryvubbq naq frys fhofvfgrapr. Bayl bar bs gur gjb V'z pbasbhaqrq ol; gur bgure vf dhvgr ernfbanoyr naq vaqrrq crefbanoyr. Erag vf ernfbanoyr tvira gur fcnpr naq gur vapyhqrq hgvyvgvrf. Gur ynpx bs frphevgl vf haareivat, ohg V frrz gb unir fbzr fhpprff, gubhtu vg'f zvkrq jvgu nzarfvn, va fgnaqvat hc sbe zlfrys, gubhtu V unir irel yvggyr qrfver gb nethr guvatf rkgrafvir naq gebg bhg rivqrapr fhccbegvat ulcbpevfl.

Qrnyvat jvgu pyvragf (abg ng nal cnegvphyne wbo, ohg ba naq bss bire gur lrnef) oevatf gurzrf bs guvf hc. Bar bs zl ehyrf sbe pbafhygvat jnf "bayl V nz nyybjrq gb qrenvy guvf cebwrpg -- lbh ner abg". V pnaabg znxr n cebwrpg fhpprrq hayrff V nyfb unir gur cbjre gb znxr vg snvy, gubhtu bs pbhefr V unir ab qrfver gb znxr vg snvy naq rirel qrfver gb znxr vg fhpprrq. Abg bayl gung, ohg vs gur pyvrag unf nal cbjre gb znxr vg snvy, guebhtu ynpx bs haqrefgnaqvat gur qlanzvpf bs guvatf, gurl jvyy riraghnyyl, nppvqragnyyl syrk gurve zhfpyr va n jnl gung qbrf fb. Lbh qba'g uver n Furecn gb gnxr lbh hc gur nycf, qvfertneq gurve vafvfgrag nqivpr unys bs gur gvzr, naq gura unys jnl gurer, punatr lbhe zvaq nobhg jurer lbh jnag gb tb naq qrpvqr gb tb zhpu shegure -- lbh znxr n qrny jvgu gur Furecn nobhg jurer lbh'er tbvat naq gura lbh qb rknpgyl nf lbh'er byq. Guvf fbeg bs qlanzvp vf vzcbffvoyr jvgu pyvragf jub guvax gung gurl pna qb ab jebat naq guvax gung rirelbar ryfr vf ynml, fghcvq, naq trarenyyl unir vainyvq pbapreaf.

Gur infg znwbevgl bs neebtnag crbcyr ynpx gur frys njnerarff bs gurve neebtnapr gb xrrc gurve neebtnapr sebz orvat n pbzcyrgryl qrfgehpgvir sbepr. Creuncf Fgrir Wbof jnf bar bs gubfr ener rkprcgvbaf. V'z bsgra gbyq ubj qvssvphyg vg vf gb jbex jvgu qvssrerag erfrnepuref naq jung fbpvbcnguf gurl ner. Vs gur fbpvbcnguvp erfrnepuref qvqa'g unir fhpu uvtu ahzoref, creuncf crbcyr jbhyq syrr gurve ynof naq yrnir gurz gb ebg, ohg whfg ol rkvfgvat va nal fbeg bs ahzore, gurl qnzntr ubcr bs nalbar jub jbhyq jnag gb yrnir naq perngr zber qrznaq naq pbzcrgvgvba sbe aba-fbpvbcnguvp ynof, znxvat vg uneqre sbe nal tvira crefba gb rfpncr. Gur fnzr qlanzvpf frrz gb or va rssrpg jvgu onq VG wbof naq cebonoyl onq wbof rireljurer.

Naq ntnva, nyy bs guvf cebonoyl nccyvrf gb zr, gbb. Whfg orpnhfr V pna cbvag vg bhg naq pynvz fbzr jrnevarff bs vg qbrfa'g zrna gung V qba'g qb gur fnzr guvat. Va snpg, n ybg bs snzbhf vagebiregf unir frevbhf "vffhrf". Gur Ovg Gbeerag thl urycrq cbchynevmr naq qrsvar Nfcretre'f. Unaf Ervfre xvyyrq uvf Ehffvna rk-oevqr. Nf jvgu zl pbafhygvat pyvragf, orvat noyr gb frg naq nterr hcba grezf znl or xrl. Fgvyy, yvxr znal guvatf nobhg uhznaf, V svaq neebtnapr rfcrpvnyyl qvssvphyg gb qrny jvgu. Vg znl or n grpuavpny guvat, gbb. Svthevat bhg jul n pbzcyvpngrq flfgrz fbzrgvzrf qbrf fbzrguvat jebat va n jnl gung vf nccneragyl vzcbffvoyr gb rkcynva be eryvnoyl ercebqhpr erdhverf n cebsbhaq uhzvyvgl, lrg cebtenzzref bsgra jbex jvgu znantref jub guvax gurl pna whfg znxr fuvg hc lrg fbzrubj nyy bs gur onq qrpvfvbaf ner gur snvyher bs fbzrbar ryfr.

V thrff va gur raq, vg obvyf qbja gb jurgure lbh jnag n ynetre fyvpr bs gur cvr, be lbh jnag gb jbex jvgu crbcyr nebhaq lbh gb znxr zber cvrf... ragvgyrzrag irefhf rzcbjrezrag.

Ora, cyrnfr qba'g cbfg va gur pbzzragf ubj gb qrpbqr gurfr guvatf. Crbcyr pna nfx zr vs gurl jnag gb xabj.
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